I never thought I'd feel this way again.

Through the entire time that life has been throwing it's hardships at me over the last month or so, I've not said anything. I've been optimistic and hopeful because at least one or two issues that I had were resolved. Today Ted's father kept coming by and trying to bother us again. It just bothered me because through the entire time with my cousin and everything, I just kept saying to myself that 'Well, at least he's not around anymore to bother us'. I hate this shit. And what's more is I feel like Ted doesn't care. I understand wanting to help out your father, I really really do, but we both agreed that he'd be out. Out out out. Not hanging around outside, knocking on our fucking door all the time.
Words can't really say or describe what I feel right now. I'm not resigned to my fate, I can tell you that much. I thought of just giving up but I can't. There are a few things that are not in my nature that I just can't do and this is one of them. It's just getting harder and harder to fight for a positive future when the here and now looks as bleak as I've ever seen it.
There's nothing much that I can really say else. I'm upset with Ted for continuing to lend his assistance to his father after we agreed to get rid of him. I understand that he's homeless and an alcoholic and needs help but the bottom line is that we agreed to make a clean break from him because of the way he was treating us and more or less sabotaging our lives with his stupidity. He needs to change his behavior. He's still not willing to apologize for any of the crap he's done and I hate him for it. It hurts me daily and I feel like the one person who's supposed to love me above everyone else couldn't care less.
Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep forever so I wouldn't have to feel anything.