Ugh.

I feel horrible. I didn't even eat that much today and I feel bloated and uncomfortable. I'm trying so hard to lose more weight and I feel like nothing is happening. I've been eating more but since I have a job, it's sort of necessary. I guess I have to somehow try to put a curb on it. It sucks so bad though. :/

Ho Hum.

So. I've eaten nearly nothing today (thank god). I thought I was going to get a little peckish at night when I have nothing really to do other than hang around, watch television and potentially eat. I ate one dream muffin, which has a total of like...200 calories or thereabouts I think. I also had a miniature candy bar, which was 150, and of course, some jelly berries, which were nearly nothing as well. I want a glass of juice but I'm not sure if that's really on the 'diet' thing that i've been going on. I've never been so tired in my life, but my back hurts very badly right now. I'm really uncomfortable and I have no desire to do anything other than be awake because as I said, it hurts too much to sleep. I'm going to take out the money so i can go join the gym tomorrow. I was trying to avoid it but it's just something that I have to do. Even if I walk on the treadmill for a couple of miles per day, it has to be done, I have to do SOMETHING, SOMEHOW. And I need to lay off the junk but I'm not having such a good time of that. I rather like noshing on junk and it's going to be considerably difficult to wean myself off of it.

I have a job.

Since it's a night job and I've needed energy and have been eating an awful lot, I don't know how this is going to effect my weight but it's scaring me since I've been eating ALOT more than I usually do. It's hard to help though, considering that I'm always hungry because of the physical amount of exertion that goes into my job. I dunno. I've been at it for a week. I guess we'll see. I'm going to start the whole dieting thing again on monday since it was my first week this week and I've been trying as hard as I can to do well and ignoring diet guidelines.

It's been so long. I've been so busy.

Yeah, not much to say or do or explain. Life in of itself has just taken it's toll. I've been rejected for a bunch of jobs where my boyfriend works, and here are a couple of people there who might be interested in me, but I don't care anymore. I'm so horribly depressed over it but there's not much I can do.

Anyway.

Just figured I'd use this entry as a bit of a scratching list so I can talk about what places i'd like to go on vacation someday. Hoping that doing a little dreaming about getting away will make me much less depressed. I'll write another, longer entry later, but right now I just don't have it in me. I'm more upset than anything else.

• Indonesia
• Malaysia
• Philippines
• Singapore
• Thailand
• Vietnam
• China
• Japan
• Mongolia
• South Korea
• Hong Kong
• Sri Lanka
• India
• Bangladesh
• Morocco
• Egypt
• Cyprus
• Lebanon
• Possibly Pakistan

I'm sure there are like one or two more, but for the most part I've gotten that I'd like to explore Asia. Of course there are other spots that interest me, mostly in Europe, but there's something so mystical and interesting about Asia that I would like to experience piece by piece.

Lazy.

I apologize for the lack of entries. I've been distracted since we've returned.
Strangely enough, Ted's father has yet to show up. I sort of assumed that he'd be here every day since we got home, trying to practically break down the door to get our attention, but he hasn't been here. I don't think he's finally learned his lesson though. I think that he'll come back eventually, hence why we've made the decision to go to the police not tomorrow, but either Thursday or Friday.

I don't want to go home.

So basically, me and the boy have been in his hometown of Ronneby for the past two days. And as it comes down to it, I don't want to come home. At all. I enjoy the company of his mother and sister, I enjoy the quiet and the general...suburbyness of it all. I'm miserable because I know that I'm going to have to go home again and be plunged back into a situation where I don't want to be, mostly with his father, and the frustration of not being able to get a job and attending SFI every day and trying as hard as I can to finish it as soon as humanly possible...all of that. Also, my mother sent me a package and i'm deathly afraid it might be stolen by his father but in retrospect that's sort of a silly thing to say now, i suppose. I tried to fit my hand in the mailbox and it wouldn't go. So...I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'm just upset. I like being away from the stress and the pain of that whole situation. I don't want to go back.